Thinking. Sick.

If you're feeling sick, is it possible to be nice?

If you're really nice, kind, loving etc inside, wouldn't it show when you're at your worst?

Is it fair to take a snapshot of who you really are when you're laid low?

These are my questions for you. I've been feeling lousy, rotten, foul, disgusting and exhausted for a week or more. And frankly, I've been a bit of a cranky, callous, crab. Some might even use stronger words. (My husband, for example...)

One reason for my bad behaviour is that I really wanted everyone to know just HOW sick I was feeling, and not forget that I felt so horrible. In other words, I didn't want anyone to take me for granted. 

But I ask myself, how is that loving? If I'm only willing to be lovingly sacrificial when I get noticed and appreciated for it, is that really sacrificial? Is sacrificial really possible, or is it just plain overrated? 

And if I've been so truly icky to everyone, then is my usual cheerful demeanour just a bit of mask?

I require answers to these problems of the soul. Your comments please.